Dial M for madness

I love you Nanjunda, even if you’ve gone for your 16th coffee.

I love you Manjunatha, even if you eat your lunch till 3:40.

I love you Nirmala, even if you turn the board ‘Closed’, sharp at 1 P.M. 

I love you Hanumantha, even if you are on leave for one month.

I love you Kencha, even if you keep chatting with Nanjunda endlessly.

I love you all.

Wherever you all are, please come back. 

And rescue me from this solitary telephone number.

Called

The Customer Care Number. 

Dial

Welcome to our new ad jingle that will be played to you 3 times in a loop.

“If you are a man dial 1, if you are a woman dial 2, if you still deciding who you are dial 3………dial 93 for the Azherbhaijan weather report”

Dial 3

“The new flexible plan with an all time low interest 2% for stalactites, 3% for stalagmites….eeny weeny china mo…….’

Kenny G

“If your finger is paining dial 1, if you had channa bhatura the previous night dial 2, if your neighbour watches Eenaadu TV dial 3.”

Kenny G

“Please enter your ration card number. Please enter your 16 digit esophagus scan report. …..If you don’t have one, then please enter your dog flea’s numerical code.”

“Your call is important to us. Please wait…..”

Kenny G

“Our fake accented customer care ‘Mangolina’ will attend to you shortly”

Kenny G jarring. Kenny G with breaks.

Pause.

“Hello hello…..maam my name is Raaa…”

Pause release, Kenny G’s back. (that was just to break the monotony)

“Hello…this is Mangolina here …..whish pish…tish pish…..la di do daaaa…….’

“hello….hello…my name is …..’

 “Sir…..can i have your….zva di la di dum zum….zo zaaa….’

“Pardon’

Mangolina, letting a little bit of her Indian accent, creep in

“Can i have your birth identity index number, Your neighbour’s aunt’s Electricity Bill No. and The biological name for hibiscus?…….Thank you for the verification, your call has come to the wrong department…..lemme transfer this call to ‘The Amazonian Adivasi’s Amalgamation’ Department.

Kenny G Side B

“Hello this is Svetlina Gycochea ……zva zve zvooooooo zvaaaa…’

“Where is mangolina…..?’

“Sorry sir, our systems are down…..could you please get on to our website and enter this unique andromeda case sensitive pseudopodia…’

Nanjundaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Nirmalaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Manjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Kenchaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Bhagyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

I’m sorry. Please come back and dust those old fat registers. 

On my dirty face.